Sometimes I find myself in this pattern during seasons of rest or rut.

I believe in cycles. I know there are times for growth and times for pause. And still, when I'm not working consistently and someone asks me how I've been doing, I feel myself scrambling to come up with something that I think will sound productive or worthy in their eyes.

Part of this is being a product of a capitalist society that equates worth with output. I know that I'm not limited by that definition. That of course there is value in things without deliverables, that constant output only leads to to burnout.

And yet, even with that awareness, I can feel myself grasping for answers that aren't fully mine, that don't come close to expressing my complexities. I edit myself in real time trying to anticipate what will be received well.

And this makes me feel inauthentic. Which, in turn, creates a barrier.

I can see that this mindset isn't serving me. That I need to send myself love at every stage. To share openly and trust that it will be received. To not let my projection of how another person will react cloud my story.

I need to remember that, in truth, I am doing things. I'm making music. I'm learning. I'm moving. I'm resting. I'm existing. I'm participating in the part of the cycle that isn't as visible, but is just as necessary.

The work right now isn't to do more, but to shift to the knowing that this phase is enough without needing to justify it. To meet myself with honesty instead of performance. And to send love to every version of me.

Affirmation: Every season of my life has value, and I am grateful for the opportunity to rest.

xo,
Christen